November 23, 2018

Father With Cancer

Written By:  Andrew Eide

In the mid-1970’s my father, Allen Eide, had already divorced my mother and married my step-mother Nell. Nell lived in Santa Rosa and father lived with her.

For many years my father suffered with two types of cancer. One was prostate cancer and the other was bone marrow cancer. Both were painful for him to deal with.

In the mid-1970’s I was contacted by Nell to come up to Santa Rosa as she didn’t think my father would last long. While I was visiting we were not sure if my father would pass very soon. At the time I was visiting one of Nell’s sons was at her house also but he lived in the San Jose area. Here is a conversation that took place.

NELL:  Oh I wish it was me dying of cancer instead of Allen? He shouldn’t have to suffer like this!

NELL’S SON:  Why are you so upset over this? It’s not like it is my father!

Yes you read that correctly. While I was standing in the same room with Nell and her son, her son made that comment to me. Basically he was saying that it wasn’t his father dying and he doesn’t care.

Want to know something about his father? Nell’s first husband, who is the father of her son who made this rude insulting comment, died of a drug overdose. Let me tell you what happened. His father was a Pharmacist and he was so stressed and depressed that he decided to commit suicide. Being a Pharmacist he had all the drugs available to him and he knew what each of the drugs would do to him. Yes he overdosed on drugs as a Pharmacist and yet he disrespected my father for dying of cancer which was outside of his control.

But you know what? I had to deal with this and accept it even though it hurt to hear those comments. Sometimes you have to turn away and walk away and try to not react when things like this happen.



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